I am a busy body. I’m used to it that way, constantly finding things to do, not wanting to waste time. Except, it’s not really like that. It’s a fear of what happens when time slows down. When I’m not busy, when I’m left to my own thoughts and devices. That is when Loneliness creeps in and reminds me of my tongue it trapped and energy it drained.
Loneliness reminds me of all the fears I do not know how to face. Of the life I want to live and am so scared of losing that I am caught not living for my present self anyways. My past self and me? We are not the same. She may have been wild and carefree, but I am not sure where she went. Must have left when Loneliness brought Overthinking to me.
Sometimes, I feel her in my throat. Loneliness just sitting there with the will not to leave. She says soon. But soon is never soon enough. She’s yet had much to eat, no time to sleep. I must feed her. She says, I’m a guest, have you no courtesy?
I hear my mom in my head, telling me to be a better host to my guests. So, I apologize to Loneliness. Sorry, my manners must have escaped me. I prepare us a quick meal. Set up the table for two.
And we sit there, at chairs pulled out across one another, the only sound being food moving in closed mouths. I’m staring at her for the first time since she came, and she’s staring back. This peculiar thought crosses my mind. I can’t help but noticing—
huh, doesn’t she look a bit like me?
brittany given. 