journal – Page 5 – brittany given.

journal nineteen.

I am an open book, I said. I’ve had countless fingers picking at the edges of my cover, flipping through my pages. Both familiar and new. Some attentive and engaged. Others clumsy and disinterested. Had one too many crease a corner, swearing they were bookmarking the chapter for later, to never return. But I amContinue reading “journal nineteen.”

journal eighteen.

you look so hard now, like walking down the street, you couldn’t dare look aglow doing a lot of drugs now? night bleeds into new night, you’ve got no will to say no. thrill seeking for ragers now? helps numb denial—you last saw daylight how many months ago? final thought of you leaves my mindContinue reading “journal eighteen.”

journal seventeen.

Isn’t it gratifying? To hear the words they say? The praises they sing? Who are you trying to kid? We all know. You care what they think. But how could you not. Children, we were born this way, fingers scrolling on digital screens. We don’t touch grass anymore. We watch it, behind a sheet. WeContinue reading “journal seventeen.”

journal sixteen.

Champagne glasses up, I cheers to your quarter life crisis. That’s what they call year 25, no? So maybe I manifested it. Can I reverse time back to that night? Standing on that chair, my arms draped over your shoulders from behind, I’d tell your best man to give the toast instead. To blacking out,Continue reading “journal sixteen.”

journal fifteen.

When did you know you were done? And why didn’t you tell me then? Was it while I carved our initials in trees? You waited until I carved it in my skin. While I dreamt of you as I slept And spoke your name into the wind, You left my presence behind closed doors WhileContinue reading “journal fifteen.”

journal fourteen.

I cannot wait for the day My daughter is born When she gets a bit older and says I know, mom She’s quite confident, too I’ve heard it all before is expressed I’ll smile her way Pull her close and reply Of course you do, my love But to myself, I’ll think Sweet child ofContinue reading “journal fourteen.”

journal thirteen.

I love looking at the sky I catch the fullest of breaths in those moments Oh, how clean the air tastes Away from the suffocations of our man-made life How many miles of space must exist between me And the no end in sight? I bask in that feeling of falling up Surrounded, I amContinue reading “journal thirteen.”

journal twelve.

And I think what hurts the most is the forever I imagined — that forever with you. I think back to all those talks of being side by side forever, to all those jokes of our eventual, inevitable “I do.” Now all those conversations of exploring the world together, of growing old together are noContinue reading “journal twelve.”

journal eleven.

tell me how to breathe again. i’m holding my breath and i’m counting down but the numbers never stop ending. i forgot how to take a breath. inhale. out. hold. holdholdho—getaquickbreathin— i’m having to learn how to breathe again and i’m thinking thinking thinking all these no thoughts like how, can’t i just go backContinue reading “journal eleven.”

journal ten.

The setting is as follows: a cool Sunday, about late afternoon / early evening, wind is still blowing as New York wind does, but it’s not bad. There’s a group of three friends passing around a volleyball pretty badly, but they’re having fun. A couple lays down and cracks open two beers. A group ofContinue reading “journal ten.”